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THE BASEMENT

by Dr. Timothy Bleary

Many people have asked me what we can do about the more unpleasant symptoms of Twisteria. I tell them that to-date medical science has been totally confounded. I go on to say, in my very best bed-side manner, that the biggest problem is simply facing up to the fact that one is afflicted. It seems that many people would rather just pretend that nothing's happened and trust that it will all go away. Sadly, this is seldom the case. Twisteria can set in at any time of life. However, it is particularly prevalent amongst the nostalgia junkies of early and late middle age. Just why the very young appear to have a stronger immunity can only be guessed at but there are those who believe that it could be one of the few positive side effects of listening to techno music. If that is, infact, the case, then I know that many sufferers of Twisteria would count themselves to be the less afflicted. And it's that kind of cosy self-dillusion, of course, that's the hallmark of acute Twisteria.

So can nothing be done? Does one have to keep putting on those headphones? Surely relief is just around the corner. An inoculation perhaps? A course of aversion therapy? A trip to the Twizwatcher's Workshop? Alas, I've tried them all and they simply don't work. Infact, nothing does. And, it is my professional opinion that a cure is not to be found on this side of the crematorium.

Does that mean, therefore, a life of despair for the ever-increasing numbers of Twisteria sufferers? I believe not. In my recently published best-selling book on the subject Twiz: Hell, Is There No Other Way? I suggest that it is now time to abandon the traditional methods and to adopt a more holistic approach. It is my contention that we should take the courage, from out of a bottle if necessary, and just go with the flow. I think we should do what deep down we've always really wanted to do. Yes, dear friends, I believe that it is time to stand up and face the music. Don't fight it, ignite it! As they say. It won't be easy explaining yourself to your bewildered children and it surely won't be pleasant when the neighbours start screaming and pounding on the walls. All the same, I am quite convinced that once each and every one of us have totally and unconditionally surrendered to 'the Twiz lilt' there will be peace and freedom in the world and, yes, equality and justice, and mutual respect and friendship among the peoples of this troubled world. The lion will lie down with the lamb and cats will start eating the rain! For I have a dream! Oh happy day. Oh glory, glory be!! Let Twisility be your dream too!





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